Fields of Hope
by ShiroiRose
Summary: learning one's value by saying the last farewell....AxC


I don't own **Gundam Seed/SD**, that's for sure. This is for entertainment purposes only.

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**A/N:** would like to thank you guys for the other fic you reviewed. Soon, I will update it. About this one, well, just sprung out from my reverie after downloading the song of Lacus Clyne "Fields of Hope". Yep. It gave me an inspiration to do another fic. 

Don't get shock with the time and plot setting I placed in here. the fic is kinda ergh...alternate reality or what...because none of these had happened in Berlin war. (of course) Argh! Don't even know if it is really in Berlin or Moscow. As long as you have pictured the flow of the fic, that is fine.

Gomen ne.

It was the time when Stellar operated that gigantic mobile suit. I have a poor memory on things after watching 15 different anime dvds for the past 3 weeks. ah...something like that.

For those who are AxC, don't kill me after reading this fic.

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_At last..._

The war between Naturals and Coordinators had finally come into an end.

I know there wouldn't be a guarantee about its totality but I can assure you, both sides had finally learned from the grievous mistakes they had been walking upon into the shadows for the past several years.

Time will tell, yes, I know it too. But it wouldn't hurt to hope of the real peace, right? After all we've been through; at least we deserve to have peace after all the mess we all had mainly participated. Time to heal the wounds we have been reopening whenever hatred had a chance to dwell in our battered hearts and minds.

Both of us had finally been awakened from the nightmare. No more of these senseless, bloody battles between two misunderstood human genomes; one of God and one of Science.

Despite the fact that I am now sitting in the field where many views show the face of death and defeat – the aftermath of a great battle between Naturals and Coordinators in the ruined city of Berlin - I am glad that my eyes will no longer see any of the men's apathy in their hearts, trying to gain the only way to salvage theirs by killing the ones who had caused it.

Fires from the countless number of the disrupted Mobile suits lying around the cobblestone roads of the city were visibly seen. Houses and buildings of all kinds are also being consumed by the fire. Along with the dancing of the flames, ashes are being gently blown by the passing winter wind. Numerous lifeless bodies are lying on the cold ground. If so, there are still some survivors to be seen in this deathly image. I can sense their will to surpass the dilemma.

No more hatred but shame and begging for forgiveness are what I see.

_All is over now._ _I will have to toast for that, right Cagalli?_

Shifting my position just to have the right comfortable position, I'm trying with all my heart to smile since this is what I have been longing for so many years now. It is what WE have been longing….

But why is it so hard for me to do so at this victorious moment? Instead of smiling and muttering of thankful lines, pool of tears began to roll down into my pale, tired cheeks as I bowed my head and look at the only thing that is keeping me from having to fully embrace that happy feeling.

_My lovely Cagalli…._

The snow continues to fall as I hold her close into my chest. Each of her shallow breath seems to torture my conscience. Our hands clasp together. Her hold is faltering as the minutes goes by. I only have the left strength not to tear away from that precious hold. My other hand is at her abdomen, trying to block the spill of blood out from her system. She is getting colder not because of the wintry environment but of her continuous loss of the red life substance.

Why is this happening to us when everything is at final peace? _HELP! We need help!!! Will someone help us!!!_

I want to see her sweet amber eyes, meaningfully grateful for a job well done. I want to see her reprimanding amber eyes to blame me for the situation she is now. I want to see her hate me with those very amber eyes that I love from the first time I saw them.

I should have made her promise that she will not join the battlefields without me knowing. I should have been watchful on her motives before I left. I should have been perceptive and then considered the possibility of her defiance. And also, I should have been there when she needed my help.

And now, because of not having done all of those things, time will only tell when she will be departing from my side. What a fool I had been?!

I trusted her to take care of herself. But this time, her luck ran out. She could no longer tell the tales of her bravery we usually talked about whenever we are alone in the darkness. She could no longer be sharing those heart-felt smiles and giggles that I am longing to see whenever I am very worn-out from my inner battles in life.

_And also, Cagalli could no longer tell me, whisper upon my hungering lips and anticipating ears how much she loves me. _

I bend my head, closing the distance between my damp cheeks and her forehead. The touch of her almost frigid skin alarms me. Never in my days with her that I felt this coldness. God, I don't want to lose her…..

_I will hate you forever when you do……I will hate you! You hear me?! Open your eyes to me, God Damn it! Look at me! I am here! Don't you die on me now when peace had finally settled into the hearts of men! _

"I need you…..don't you understand?! Cagalli…." I couldn't stop my tears. I close my eyes to concentrate on controlling my grief. But nothing seems to work. "Don't you ever leave me, darling."

I am hoping those words will reach to her sub consciousness. Let her know that I am still here; no reason for her to depart in this world just yet. She deserves to live another lustful years of peace that she also worked hard for. And with it, I will be with her, loving every moment of her ruling and guidance to the right path that her late father thought her to be.

Given the chance, I will tell her everything that is inside of my heart. I will marry her; not just some engagement, leaving us on limbo for so long.

_Fuck._ It is only a dream now. How can I be possibly do all those things when the very person I want to do with it lays close in the piles of rubbles with blood spilled everywhere, including hers.

I have wasted time. And the payment of taking it for granted had struck me in a double fold. I am loosing my future, my happiness….my Cagalli…..

My fingers probe hers, finding the engagement ring that I had given her. It is still there. I am glad that it is still there though I heard that one time she had taken it off from that dainty finger of hers for the sake of political marriage from Seiran. Thank God Kira had shaken her mind out from it, abducting her in the process. I should have given him thanks but what did I do? Cold shrug was what I held back then, silently grateful for what he did. In short, it was one of the many things that I had taken for granted from my closest pals. Oh God….

"Remember, Cagalli, we promised each other's hearts that in the end of this war we will set our lives right. We will be married. You for me, and I for you." I sniff as I brush my damp cheek to her forehead skin every so gently and absently.

"What will be my worth if you are not here with me?" I whisper close to her lips.

There are some movements from her. She wants to say something. _What, Cagalli? Tell me. _

I raised my head away from her and watch her parched lips slightly moving. _Talk to me, please_.

Not enough voice is heard from those sweet things. Then there are tears rolling down from her dirt-smudged cheeks. But her beautiful amber eyes are still closed. I have this strange feeling that she's afraid of seeing me. Why?

She is muttering absently. "At….Ath…Athrun….,"

There's no need to decipher her words. I already know who she is calling.

"I am here, Cagalli…" I abruptly wipe the tears off my face. "Daijoubu desu ka."

I shouldn't have asked that stupid question.

"I….I….I'm ok. Don't….don't you worry about me…" then she weakly smiles.

I can't help not to kiss the tip of her nose. I gathered my left strength to lie this time around. "I won't. I know you could surpass this."

"Ha….Hai….Thanks for the encouragement…." Cagalli feebly mumbles and then chortles.

I love hearing her laugh. And this weak laugh of hers is what I will get in a few minutes of staying with her…upon her impending death….So this will be the last time I will about to hear them.

"Try not to tire yourself so much, Cagalli. Medics will arrive soon so save your strength." It hurts so much knowing that there will be no help arriving soon. If one does, it will be too late for her to be saved. Cagalli had lost so much blood from the battle she did from that monstrous Mobile Suit.

She deeply inhales a huge amount of air and then exhales. After doing so, she coughs blood out from her mouth. "I better….I better have to say these words before I depart, Athrun."

Then her eyelids open. Now I can see her beautiful amber eyes that always haunt my erotic dreams. "You will not die, Cagalli. You know that I won't let you."

"We have to….we have to face the truth…Athrun….That I am about to die. I don't blame you…." Cagalli assures.

"I…I will call help…" I am about to raise up from the cold ground and gently maneuvers a good position for her when she instantly grabs the front of uniform with all her tiny strength.

"Don't, Athrun. Don't leave me here." She pleads. "I won't let you have the opportunity of you finding me here all dead and cold when you get back."

"Cagalli…"

"Stop….please….stop pretending that I will live after this mortal wound…." She coughs more blood this time. "I want you…I want you to be here with me….until my last breath fades."

That is why I am here for from the start but half of me wanting to save her from Death even though the chances are none.

"Cagalli…."

"Athrun…."

I automatically obey her bidding. Only my presence will only further her stay on Earth. Every moment I will have from her is what matters. I will stay with her until the end of our world.

"I know you are….you are….you are angry of me from defying your orders."

"Let's not talk about it, Cagalli. You are already forgiven." _But I still haven't forgiven myself._

"Seeing you being beaten up by that monstrous robot…..I couldn't help myself not to rescue you. I have to go out there….to save you even though you ordered me not to….."

I only nod.

"I was already dying there, doing nothing but to hide from the mothership like you told me to. My heart told me that if you are gone…..I will not bear it."

It is the same for me now, Cagalli. You have obliviously bestowed that dreadful fate on me. You are torturing me knowing that in a matter of seconds, my life will be along taken by you to the other world…..Having you not here with me is the same as dying.

"You have to….forgive me…..and also…..forgive yourself. It wasn't your fault… I did this for my own free will and of…..love."

I look at her. The tears I stopped a while ago are here again to make me appear so weak in front on her.

"You do know that I love you right, Athrun?" Cagalli mumbles.

There have been a full 10 seconds of silence before I finally answer. "Hai, Anata…"

"Yes. Me too. And I know that you love me too…..so….forgive yourself…..for the sake of your better future…."

"What better future will I get when you are no longer here with me?" I can't stop myself from saying that.

My angel only smiles. "Because I know that if you do, my soul will rest peacefully. You won't let me leave in this world thinking that I have left the very person I love the most into the shadows of despair. That I can't abide."

"How…how can you say those things….still calm despite of what…"

"I know you are much stronger than this….We could have lost our paths sometime in our lives but this time, I have this feeling that you will never disappoint me. You will live your life without me."

I embrace her abruptly. "Don't you say those words, Cagalli."

"I have to….This will be the only time left for me to set the things right. I won't leave without your promise to live on."

"Cagalli…."

"Promise me, Athrun….you will live and be happy in life of peace." Her voice is getting weaker. "Don't avenge for my death but instead love the ones who had hurt you and teach them to the right path…."

"Cagalli…."

"Promise me, Athrun that you will find someone whom you will share your heart with. I won't tie you with me like our ring did. You are free to love again…."

"Don't ask me to love another woman, Cagalli…..It hurts…"

She shushes me, deliberately interrupting my speech. "You are only hurting us, Athrun, if you still insist that damn oath of love. Face the fact that I will never return into this world….you have to open your heart for that possibility…..I allow you to be….you should be…"

I couldn't speak. I only look at her.

"Promise me, Athrun…..Promise me…"

Then there is an explosion not so far behind me. Good thing that we are protected by a huge brick wall.

I hug her, instantly protecting her with my worn-out body. I curse from the perfect timing of the explosion to destroy a little what we have left with each other.

"Please….Athrun…."

Tears still clouding my sight, I lean towards her lips, and then sealing it with my kiss.

It is all I could do for now…..

"I…..I love you, Athrun….Remember that….."

I smile despite the fact that in a matter of moments she will leave me forever. "And…..I love you Cagalli…."

"Yes….Now….I can leave this world,"

"Cagalli…." I kiss her lips, long enough to arouse both of us.

"_I love you….my Athrun…."_

Then there is dead silence. She lay here in my arms, lifeless. The moment her hand left mine, I know for sure that she had finally left me on my own. I could no longer have her….no longer will my heart flutter from the joys she usually gives….no longer will I see and feel of being loved by her….no longer will I hear and say my overwhelming feelings of love for her….

But a promise is a promise. I have to. In loving memory of her….For the love of mine to hers…

The snow…..so cold…..The silence….almost deafening…..

_God and Science had taken the woman I love the most. _

Absently caressing her damp cheeks, I tenderly whisper, "Sleep now, my beautiful Orb princess….."

_fin_

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**A/N:** I killed her here. Well...hate me. it is angst, anyway. :D Iknow it sucks...don't have the right spirit to choose the right words. eheheh. 

I want them both to feel how much they are wasting their time...

thanks for reading. oh...gomen for grammar and the shortness of the fic.


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